I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Barsexuality is the new black.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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