Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
