Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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