sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
