I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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