is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
