Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
