I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize