Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
