This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
