you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
