i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The ass gains better be worth it
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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