you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I haven't been this sober since birth.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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