i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
