i already hear my dad disowning me
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
