Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
