I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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