At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
