Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
