You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
