i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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