Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
