SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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