Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
