I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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