he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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