Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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