u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
What happened to fro yo and sex?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
