I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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