we have pet lesbian snakes
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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