I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
