ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
