$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
