idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize