Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
