Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
