I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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