I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
