Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
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I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
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