I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
