so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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