Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
