Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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