In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
