the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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