so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
