Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just pee around me
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Come share oat with me in your robe
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
