can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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