I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
