I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
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I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
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I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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