I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
