my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
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