I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
