They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
