dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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