How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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