How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
