Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
