but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
