I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
