I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
