do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
