we're blogging at a bar
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
