happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
