So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
