FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
