So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
