Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
