When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
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you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
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It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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