What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
