Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just pynch a tree in the face
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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