Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
