Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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