they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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