how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
