You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we're making bets on your personal life
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
