That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
