she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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